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Funny Clean Puns

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Humpty Dumpty was last seen getting on a bus to Great Falls.

Did you hear about the guy who went nuts in the Museum of Modern Art? He told the judge he suffered from contemporary insanity.

What famous general had narcolepsy?
General Anesthesia.

Listless: The way most men go grocery shopping.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

Two silk worms decided to have a race. They ended up in a tie.

He was only a whiskey maker, but she loved him still.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

Sir Cumference acquired his size from eating too much pi.

A dog gave birth to her puppies by the side of the road and was cited for littering.

A gun made out of rubber bands was confiscated from an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an apple.

He thought he spotted an eye doctor on the Alaskan Islands, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Some people love puns. Some people hate them. Here are some of ours.

A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.

If you throw a grenade into a kitchen in France, you will get Linoleum Blownapart.

A chicken crossing the road: Poultry in motion.

Two hats hung on a hat rack by the front door. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

A small boy swallowed some coins. They took him to a hospital. His grandmother called to ask how he was. The nurse told her, "No change, yet."

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center: "Keep Off the Grass."

In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

A backward poet writes inverse.

I noticed that the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

His friends were sick of him telling puns all the time. In an effort to get him to stop, they locked him in his dorm room and wouldn't let him out until he told them 100 puns, hoping he would also get sick of them himself. He finally reached 99 and gave his final one: Oh, pun the door.


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